This Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! It's the Television Letdowns of the Past Year.

Looking back, we reflect on the television offerings of the past year, a handful of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. From cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this divisive spin-off? Plagued with dreadful writing, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the third season began, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the final season. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the smallest of this drama's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the problems. The hilariously wooden writing? The tedious veneration of wealth and materialism? The seemingly deliberate parade of cliches? Acting so poor they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and forget about this show again. However, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have known it from this multi-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charismatic but flippant egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which felt a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the extent to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into twee lifestyle as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue animated; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to explore them. Instead, the experience was akin to reading a sales brochure. She obviously has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.

Too Much

How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke stretched to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from strangely jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – academics honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.

Tony Murphy
Tony Murphy

A tech entrepreneur and writer with over a decade of experience in digital innovation and startup consulting.