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The Prosecution: Beth

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?